10 Years Ago Today

Photo Nov 16, 11 26 39 AM

Ten years ago today the doctor told my dad, “You have cancer.”

Ten years ago today my world began to spin out of control.

Ten years ago today I was alone with my fear.

“Dad has cancer 
What am i supposed to do with that? 
i don’t cry. not yet. i’m not sure how i’m supposed to act 
some people cry and are scared, i’m not sure if i am supposed to be that way too. 

i’m not sure how i am allowed to act. 
i know i have to step it up and be strong as a man. 
my family needs me 
i’m not sure if i’m allowed to show fear 
if i can cry in front of them. 
this came out of nowhere. 
i’m just kind of stunned ya know… 
there’s nothing i can do to change my dad’s situation w/ cancer. that’s up to God now. 

i don’t understand this, but i guess i’m not supposed to. not yet. 
i’m not even sure how to tell some of my friends. 
i don’t want to be an object of pity by letting people know 
but sometimes i do wish people knew so they could be there for me more than usual. 

i’m not sure about all this. 
I just gotta give it to God. 
if worst comes to worst my Dad will be in a better place. 
i’ll just miss him. 

i hope it’s not that though, there’s unfinished business in my eyes 
my dad has to see me get married and cry in the ceremony like he did for my brother’s 
i have to see the look on his face the first time he holds my child. glowing… 

i hope, i hope.”

Ten years ago today I began to believe that I would be buried as a fatherless son who could never find healing.

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Today we went to the doctor’s office and she told us, “Your son is perfectly healthy!”

Today my world is better than it has ever been before!

Today I am sharing my happiness with everyone!

We named our son, Isamu Mark, after his late grandpa, Mark. Isamu means “courage” or “bravery in Japanese.” Even in his final months battling cancer, the greatest battle of his life, dad courageously followed Jesus and entrusted his family to God’s care. We hope that our son will find the same courage his grandpa found in Jesus. Isamu will always be our personal reminder that our loving God brings life where there used to be death.

Today my life is an example of God’s redemption. I am a father and I have God as my Father who is always with me.

Thank you Jesus, my Redeemer.

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